Odds 'n Sods

What is it and why should you care? Well, the Bucky is CBC's very own awards show. While not your typical format, it still honors Canadian independent music but in slightly unconventional categories. Brad Giefert, a co-worker and member of the Tacoma Hellfarm Tragedy, informs me that his band has been nominated for best song title this year -- a fact we're all very proud of. The song "True Love Killed My True Love’s Love For Me" is one of five up for an award, and though he emailed to say there would be "serious consequences" if we didn't vote for his band, he secretly admits his personal fave is The Wet Secrets "Grow Your Own Fucking Mustache, Asshole".

Voting continues through till November 30th and can be done online at http://stage.cbcradio3.com/buckyawards.

From Apple Insider ...

Inmate's suit claims O.J. Simpson is "hitman" for Steve Jobs
By Kasper Jade

A South Carolina inmate notorious for filing frivolous and fanciful lawsuits against public figures has used his latest complaint to accuse Apple chief executive Steve Jobs of employing O.J. Simpson as a "hitman" for the past two decades, in addition to a litany of other outlandish offenses.

Filed September 21 in the United States District Court Middle District of Florida, the 3-page handwritten complaint alleges that Simpson has been Jobs’s "hitman" since the "1985 MOVE house bombing in Philadelphia, which Jobs started with borrowed pyrotechnics from Great White."

The plaintiff is none other than 30 year old Jonathan Lee Riches, who in 2004 earned himself an 8-year sentence in a South Carolina corrections facility for his involvement in an identity theft ring. Over the past 18 months he has filed dozens of similar lawsuits accusing celebrities and organizations of wildly improbable offenses, presumably to help pass his time behind bars.

Riches' latest rambling, which has since been dismissed, goes on to allege that "O.J. has been providing Jobs with food blenders since the midwest flood of 1993" and that O.J. also "paid Jobs to clone Dolly the sheep on April 20, 1998."

As for his other roles in the legal escapade, Jobs is charged with aiming nuclear missiles at Riches' brain and Lance Armstrong's bicycle, as well as price gouging iPhone customers. "On May 10th, 2007, I bought an Apple iPhone for $922.01 at the FCI Williamsburg commissary," Riches wrote. "Now Jobs sells that same iPod for $199."

The remainder of the complaint continues in the same outlandish vein, with Princess Diana, the United Auto Workers, and Cinderella's Castle each making appearances, among others.

"A cursory review of the complaint is sufficient to establish that it is nothing more than fanciful nonsense," US District Judge Gregory Presnell wrote in his order for dismissal. "The whole thing reads like a cross between Billy Joel’s 'We Didn’t Start the Fire' and a Dr. Bronner’s soap label, if Dr. Bronner had been a first-year law student with untreated paranoid schizophrenia."

Judge Presnell went on to say that this was not Riches's first appearance before him, and pointed out that Riches even has his own Wikipedia entry chronicling some of the dozens of similar suits he has filed in federal courts across the country.

"Several weeks ago, he filed suit against Elvis Presley and Neverland Ranch for, inter alia, 'WAR CRIMES Rock N Rollin My Brain'," the Judge wrote.

While it's unclear whether Riches' cockamamy pleadings are products of actual mental illness or simply a hobby akin to short story writing, all complaints filed with the US court system have to be processed, filed and dismissed.

"Whatever their origin, and though they are amusing to the average reader, they do nothing more than clog the machinery of justice, interfering with the court’s ability to address the needs of the genuinely aggrieved," the Judge wrote. "It is time for them to stop."

Rather than impose sanctions on Riches, the Court will simply require that he pay the filing fee with any future complaints, which he has failed to do in the past. Should those requirement fail to dissuade him from further meritless filings, the Court plans to impose stiffer requirements or sanctions until he "finds another way to occupy his time."

As a graphic designer, my job can get somewhat tedious. Most of what I do consists of projects that don't require much creativity, or working with clients who themselves are not very creative, or just trying to troubleshoot other people's files so that the end product actually meets their expectations, despite the fact all the pictures they've used are low res or have been created in some god-forsaken program like Microsloth Word or Excel. On occasion though (and when the stars line up right), you get handed something wonderful -- something you can really sink your teeth into. That day happened to be today, when I was asked to design our local firefighters calendar for the third straight year.

Besides the obvious benefits (if you know what I mean -- and I think you do, nudge, nudge, wink, wink), this provides me with a real sense of achievement, and also a sense of pride, knowing that the proceeds will go to help a number of worthy organizations in our immediate area. Even though none of the firefighters are professional models, you damn sure wouldn't know it once they've been properly staged and photographed.

And now they're all putty in my hands, as it were.

Yessiree, Bob -- it don't get much better than this.

This spot, which appeared in the August edition of Running World, created quite a stir amongst it's readers. Personally, I like it. It's simple, unique and appeals to my warped sense of humor. Regardless of your own feelings (some people thought it was in poor taste), it still constitutes what I think is a successful campaign. Because in the end, this is the ad you will likely be talking about long after the magazine's been put down.

Splitting up is never easy, especially for the kids. So how do you break the news? In a lullaby of course.
From the very funny mind of Steven Lynch ...

And for all I know she could be a creative consultant if these gifts are anything to go by. Thanks goes to my twisted co-worker (who discovered the second item on a recent trip to the newly renovated Distillery district in Toronto) and our in-house stripper (as in film, your dirty-minded bastard) who's collective raucous laughter distracted me long enough to investigate. And of course Firebox.com, where these items can be purchased online. First up - the Sonic Bomb Alarm Clock ...

"There are plenty of ways to wake up heavy sleepers. Unfortunately Motorhead are unavailable for bedroom gigs, kettle drums are seriously expensive and howitzers make rather awkward bedfellows. Step forward the ear-quaking, mattress-shaking Sonic Bomb Alarm Clock.

This staggeringly loud waker-upper features an alarm that lets rip at a bone-shuddering 113 decibels. That's louder than a chainsaw or a helicopter. Eek! But wait, there's more: a separate vibrating attachment goes under your mattress to help judder you out of boboland. So if the alarm doesn't wake you up, the 12V shaker-upper will. WE SAID IF THE ALARM…oh never mind. The point is this super-shaker-bed-vibrator is one seriously seismic alarm clock.

With its stealthy, vaguely military appearance the Richter-registering Sonic Bomb Alarm Clock will add a touch of utilitarian chic to any bedside table. What's more it boasts pulsating alert lights to augment its already stupefying 'what the $*#*!? factor. There's even a battery back-up option in case of a power cut.

Talking of handy functions, the Sonic Bomb also features a volume control (phew!), snooze button and dimmer switch. Sadly it doesn't drop a comedy anvil on your bonce for good measure but you can't have everything.

We've seen a lot of tooth-looseningly loud alarm clocks in our time but this vibrating baby takes the biscuit. In fact it takes the biscuit, yells in its ear with a nuclear megaphone and violently shakes it to mere crumbs. If the Sonic Bomb Alarm Clock fails to get you out of bed, we can only suggest you arrange for a grand piano to be dropped from the ceiling every morning. WE SAID, IF THE…oh, forget it."

The second item is the Voodoo Knife Display. The base unit *ahem* comes in three colors - red, black or chrome - and uses a magnetic system to secure the knives. Unorthodox -- sure, but they don't make these things if no one will buy them, and buy it they will, if for no other reason than bragging rights or to flat out scare the guests. (There's actually a series of pics, one that shows a knife either being inserted or removed, that I find quite disturbing.) The knives are of quality stainless steel and include a bread knife, carver/slicer, chef's knife, utility knife and a paring knife. Designed by Raffaele Iannello "the Voodoo Knife Display is a slice above other knife blocks and is wonderfully unusual in terms of originality and design."

Indeed.

What do you get when you cross Oingo Boingo with an equipment malfunction?
Danny Elfman yodeling, that's what.

Now I've never had anything against the Salvation Army. In fact I hold them in high regard. They do good work, keep a low profile and don't try to manhandle you like some other religious institutions. Which is why I was a little annoyed to find them standing at the base on my apartment this AM, replete with brass section and a miked out conductor/minister, serenading the entire building with hymns and sermons from the Good Book.

Suuuuuper. Let's turn the volumne on that headache of yours all the way up to eleven, shall we?

To be fair, half the residents here ARE seniors, and I think a few of them may be shut-ins, so they may have been doing it as a courtesy for them more than anyone else but still, a LITTLE warning would've been nice, especially when your balcony's in close proximity.

I may be somewhat agnostic, but as the saying goes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, as my three extra-strength Advil headache can now attest.

By the way, did I mention they woke me up?

Yeah.